Tuesday 22-02-2022 - 10:51

Bronnie Caine (they/them)

Lampeter Campus LGBT+ (Open Space) Part-Time Officer 2021-2022

So, you’re here in LGBTQ+ History Month and you’re cisgender heterosexual... Want to know what you can focus on?

BEING AN AWESOME ALLY!

And I know, it can seem confusing as to where the boundaries are and what allyship looks like but don’t worry, we’re here to give you the 101 on how you can support the community.  

 

Use those listening ears 

I know, I know, yawn. Listening is so basic. Yes, but it’s so crucial to being supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. 

Firstly, don't apply labels to people if they haven’t told you that they identify as them. Listen to how they describe themselves. For example, I identify as an asexual demibiromantic who is also genderqueer/nonbinary but I just call myself ‘queer’ because otherwise it’s a bit of a mouthful. Any of those terms are suitable when describing me, but calling me anything else wouldn’t be because it isn’t how I identify or like to be recognised as. 

Ever walked down the street and had the profound thought that everybody around you has full, rich lives like your own, but you’ll never know anything about them? Well, we welcome you into our world! Listen to what LGBTQ+ individuals are saying, likelihood is there are some struggles we have that you’d be gobsmacked to hear about. On the flipside, we have some amazing content ready for you to grasp and loads of awesome people for you to follow and surround yourself with. Immerse yourself in our community and enjoy everything we have to offer. 

Lastly, on a more serious note, listen out for the tone of the conversation when LGBTQ+ individuals speak to you. If they’re light-hearted and casual when coming out to you then respond similarly. However, if they are more unsure and serious then take some time to let them know that you support them. This applies to any conversation with anyone ever, full stop. But particularly with delicate conversations like this, feed off the other person to help you through.  

 

Class is in session 

You’ve heard it a million times I’m sure, but one of the best ways you can be an ally is to be educated and aware about the community, news and issues we deal with. 

There are countless LGBTQ+ blogs, news sites and posts about issues and topics currently prevalent for LGBTQ+ people. We recommend PinkNews as a general one-stop shop for news. There is nothing better than understanding however, so take the time to familiarise yourself with different sexualities, types of attraction, gender identities and lingo. Our LGBTQ+ Hub can be a great starting point and is easily accessible to everyone through the SU website. 

Also, let's talk about these pronouns. Everyone has them and did you notice how easy it is to include them? My pronouns are in the authorship (scroll up and have another look), some staff have put theirs at the end of their emails, it is now commonplace to have them in the bio of your social media and professional online accounts. A great show of support and solidarity is to include your pronouns when introducing yourself or describing yourself online. It doesn’t matter if your pronouns are the same as the ones associated with your sex, you’re helping to create an environment that doesn’t view people with pronouns differing to their sex as unusual.  

 

Be visible 

Support is all about showing up, speaking out and creating a comfortable environment for LGBTQ+ individuals. 

The ways you, as a student, can show up is through membership to your campus LGBTQ+ Societies (yes, you’re allowed in this space and are valid) and signing up as an ally to the LGBT+ Liberation Network through the SU. By being present at these meetings and events, you show your peers that you are a safe and trustworthy person to talk to. Have a look at GIAG sessions run by the LGBTQ+ Socs and keep an eye out on campus for posters – all are welcome. 

Even tiny things can make a huge difference – wearing rainbow socks, introducing yourself with your pronouns, using inclusive language and conversation topics. 

Don’t be an outer, or you’ll be out! 

Coming out can be a huge step for LGBTQ+ individuals and they should have complete control over who they tell, how they tell them and when they’re told. If someone has felt comfortable enough to come out to you, don’t assume they’re out to everyone in their lives. Never out anyone, that’s not up to you. 

A way to make sure you don’t overstep any boundaries is to check how open they wish to be about their identity. It could be that they are happy for you to refer to their orientation in casual conversation with friends (e.g. asking about their partner), but not so much with their work colleagues. The key is ✨communication✨!  

 

Avoid assumptions 

You can never really tell what someone’s gender or sexual orientation is when you meet them so don’t assume that being heterosexual or cisgender is the norm. The mindset that everyone is until otherwise specified is archaic. The best approach is to avoid using gendered language until you know more about how someone identifies. For example, instead of asking someone about their boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, try asking about their ‘partner’ instead. This means you aren’t excluding any genders or relationships in your language. Another tip is to use they/them pronouns if you are unsure on someone’s gender or if they haven’t specified their pronouns to you. 

I know it can take a bit of practice and rewiring but it is so worth it to be inclusive and accepting of everyone. You never know who you might help from just being mindful of your language and assumptions. 

A is for Ally and All! 

Being an ally means being an ally to all LGBTQ+ people – even the ones we don’t get to hear from as often. This includes LGBTQ+ individuals of colours, trans and non-binary people, and disabled LGBTQ+ individuals. Every voice is important, and you can use your place as an ally to help make room for the inclusion of minorities.  

Minority LGBTQ+ individuals may experience additional barriers to being out and safe in the community. Their experience is valid, and they should be given a space to address changes that they deem necessary or simply share their experience to help encourage understanding.  

That’s not very good soup of you: how to address homophobia and erasure around you 

Microaggressions are the everyday slights, snubs and insults that communicate a negative, hostile or derogatory message, whether it’s intentional or not. 

I get it, when someone is being homophobic, biphobic, transphobic or discriminatory it makes the whole situation awkward and uncomfortable. However, you never know who LGBTQ is+ around you and too afraid to speak up. Hearing no opposition to these comments and jokes reinforces the belief that it’s unsafe to come out and be themselves. 

Erasure is another big issue the community faces as we lack representation in politics, media, sports etc. A major example is when queer people enter hetero-facing relationships (this mean to look at them the assumption is they’re heterosexual and opposite sex) they are then referred to as straight. For example, no relationship I will ever enter will be heterosexual because I am not heterosexual, I’m asexual biromantic. Being told you’re in a straight relationship when you’re not is damaging and erases identity. It’s an experience many of us suffer from and something we’d like allies to help us with. 

So how should you respond? First, always consider your safety – we don’t want you to be harmed – in a physical sense and an emotional one. A simple strategy is to ask, ‘What do you mean by that?’. If the individual isn’t aware of how problematic their comment was, this gives them an opportunity to reflect, correct themselves or apologise. 

If this behaviour continues and concerns you, please don’t hesitate to contact the SU as discrimination is something we take very seriously. 

If you are the person who has committed the microaggression please recognise that it doesn't necessarily make you a bad person. Lots of people have good intentions, just fail to phrase them correctly. Self-reflect as often this behaviour has developed from other influences around you, don’t get defensive (put yourself in the other person’s shoes and don’t be afraid to ask questions), and change your behaviour for the future to help hold others accountable and reduce micro aggressive behaviour and discrimination. 

Some examples of microaggressions towards the LGBTQ+ community: 

• Assuming one partner is the ‘man’ and the other is a ‘woman’ in queer relationships 
• Referring to being LGBTQ+ as a ‘choice’ or ‘lifestyle’ 
• Invasive questions like, ‘What parts do you have down there?’ 
• Suggesting that knowing our sex is important to understanding our gender isn’t true at all. Sex and gender are two different things. 
• Expecting someone to have certain traits or interests based on stereotypes surrounding their sexuality 
• Asking trans people when they’re having ‘the surgery’ 
• This is a generalisation and an oversimplification and... TRANS PEOPLE DON’T NEED GENDER AFFIRMING SURGERY TO BE VALID! 
• Refusing to use gender-neutral pronouns because it’s ‘too hard’ or ‘grammatically incorrect’. 
• Firstly, it’s not grammatically incorrect, ‘they’ has been used for both single and plural use for years. 
• Secondly, language evolves so get with it. ‘Ain’t’ isn’t technically a grammatically correct word but I’m sure we’ve all used it. 
• Lastly, if you’re going to prioritise alleviating someone’s education or discomfort over respecting someone’s identity, then we’re doing something really harmful. 
• Thinking it’s possible to turn a person ‘straight’ 
• Speaking on behalf of LGBTQ+ people without giving them a voice.

 

If you have any questions or need to seek advice, feel free to have a conversation with our advice team at: unionadvice@uwtsd.ac.uk or 01792 482 100. The university also offers counselling to all students. 

 

Links: 

PinkNews | LGBT+ news | Latest lesbian, gay, bi and trans news 

LGBTQ+ @ UWTSD Students' Union (uwtsdunion.co.uk) 

LGBTQ+ Liberation @ UWTSD Students' Union (uwtsdunion.co.uk) 

Jewellery Making with the LGBTQ+ Society! @ UWTSD Students' Union (uwtsdunion.co.uk) 

https://www.uwtsd.ac.uk/counselling/